Today while I(Kelli) waited for my kids to have their teeth cleaned in our pediatric dentist office, I watched a mom with her 3ish little girl. You have to picture our dentist’s waiting room…every kids dream playroom including video games and a real playhouse. It was their first visit and the little girl was in heaven!! The mom let her play for a fair amount of time and then did a good job letting her know it was time to go. The little girl responded with, “I am not finished yet!” to which the mom replied, “OK, I will wait,” This same exchange repeated several more times. I could tell the mom did not want to cause a scene and was unsure of how to get her daughter out of the waiting room. Out of exasperation, she finally picked her up sheepishly, while the little girl kicked and screamed at her. I felt badly for both involved, but it provided great motivation for our post today!!
These past two weeks we’ve been asking the question, “Is it OK to expect our kids to obey us?” Now the story above is true, but we have no idea all that is going on. There may be some extenuating circumstances or issues we aren’t aware of. Please don’t misunderstand our point with sharing that story. Scenes like that take place every day, in the grocery store, at church, at a ball game and yes in the dentist’s office. It was just a timely reminder of why our topic is so important. We believe the answer to the big question is absolutely YES! But we also believe there is more to the answer than simply demanding obedience. Which is why we’re sharing 6 coaching points to help you teach your kids to obey!
Last week, we shared the first 3 Coaching Points. They are:
- The rest of parenting builds on the foundation of obedience.
- Train your children to respond to a calm gentle voice.
- Whatever you were going to do the sixth time to get them to obey… do it the first time.
Today, we would like to finish with the last 3 Coaching Points!
- You get what you parent. In other words, so many times we are telling our kids to do exactly the opposite of what we want them to do. For example, we might say,”Stop whining!” or “Stop splashing water all over the bathroom!”. Neither of those scenarios are what we WANT, so let’s picture what we would rather see happen, “Please use your big strong, happy voice,”and “Let’s keep the water in the tub please.” It is such a simple tweek, but it works wonders and helps our children do what we are asking them to do!! It is exasperating for our children to not know exactly what we are after. If we have not done good teaching or think they should remember or already know what we are thinking, we can strain our relationship with them. We can also damage our credability, like in the opening story if we keep saying the same thing and then nothing happens. The more I parented, the more I looked in the mirror when I got frustrated wondering about the misses in my parenting with obedience. Sometimes I did not have patience, or got frustrated because I was not able to teach something well or other times I had a bad attitude and took it out on our kids. I did get better but looking back, this teaching would have helped me be better much earlier in the parenting journey.
- Triggers. Triggers are an effective way to remind your children the lessons you are teaching them. In today’s podcast we explain the principle behind triggers. The idea is simply this, triggers are words or phrases that “trigger” a lesson we’ve taught in our children’s mind. We think you’ll grow to love triggers once you fully understand how they work.
- Make it fun. A quick way to exasperate our children is to turn parenting into nothing but lessons and corrections and reprimands. Have some fun in your parenting. When you’re teaching your little ones to respond to your voice, make it a game. When you’re asking your teenagers to help in the kitchen, then crank up the volume on the stereo and make it a competition! Stop taking yourself so seriously, let your hair down and have fun.
We talk more about obedience in our newest eBook, Children Obey Your Parents. It’s Volume 2 of our eSeries called Parenting with Truth & Grace. Remember there’s only one more week remaining, if you type the word OBEY into the coupon box, you can get Children Obey Your Parents for just $1! Check out the book right here:Show me your new book, Volume 2 – ‘Children Obey Your Parents’.
Volume 1 – The Most Important Thing to Teach Your Child Order Here