In this episode of Parenting with Truth and Grace we interview author and speaker David Stoop. He is a psychologist and family counselor who has been working with families and marriages for over 35 years. He is fascinated with how families and marriages work and am challenged to find out why they don’t work at times. We may label troubled families as dysfunctional, but in truth all human relationships are flawed and dysfunctional. He starts with that premise. He has also authored 32 books.
Favorite Verse or Quote – Col 2:13-14 When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross.
Parenting Failure – One of his kids got into the drug culture. They didn’t understand that culture and their weren’t a lot of people around them that understood that culture. It was before there was such a thing as Christian recovery programs. At 18 he was introduced to heroin. David was an associate pastor and eventually had to let people know about their struggle. They learned a lot but especially the importance of he and his wife Jan being on the same page in their parenting.
Proudest Parenting Moment – It took place years after he dealt with some of his issues with his own father, which had an extreme impact on his relationship with his wife and his sons. He and his three sons met up in Dusseldorf, Germany. His wife gave him some good advice and they had an all guys trip that was such a healing time. It included a highlight during their time in Istanbul, Turkey.
Parenting Ah-ha Moment – They blamed themselves for their son’s troubles. They came up with a bunch of different reasons why it was their fault he had troubles. Their son that struggled with drugs was born just twelve and a half months after his older brother. So Jan wasn’t happy she was pregnant and was depressed and so they thought that’s why he turned out the way he did. Then they tried to blame it on other things. But eventually he realized he can’t control what ultimately happens. He has an influence but he’s not to blame for all of it.
One thing he would do differently – He would have dealt with his own personal issues sooner. Get better better educated about addictions.
Top 3 Priorities for parenting – 1) The importance of listening 2) Enjoy your kids 3) Form an attachment to you kids by being available, be responsive, and communicate your acceptance of who they are.
Lightning round –
- Greatest fear – Repeat the same mistakes of my own father
- Best advice – None – always open the door for your wife
- Internet Resource – drstoop.com
- Parenting book – Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition)