PWTG 024:Help! All this discipline stuff isn’t working!

In this week’s podcast episode of Parenting with Truth and Grace, we talk about what to do when disciplining our child isn’t working. You can listen to the podcast here. Also, if you haven’t already subscribed, why don’t you subscribe now so you automatically get each week’s newest episode.

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We recently read an article titled, “Why I’m Not “Training” My Children: A Plea for the Ending of Obedience-Based Christian Parenting”. To be fair, there was much of the article that we agreed with. Our issue with much of the talk out there is this sense that there are only two options when it comes to parenting, especially Christian parenting… to be strong fisted, controlling, parents that demand blind obedience above all else… or to be loving and accepting and allow our children to do whatever they want to do. Honestly, it’s the reason we started Axis Ministries. We believe healthy, faithful parenting happens best when we operate in the tension of truth and grace. 

In other words, we’ll never get it perfect. We don’t believe God ever intended for us to. Instead, we constantly must seek His wisdom and discernment with our children; parenting them in the truth that God has given us (through the bible, the Holy Spirit, acquired wisdom, etc.) but also unconditional grace (love, relationship, room to make mistakes, etc.). Parenting in that tension forces us to always consider what we’re doing. It prevents us from trying to turn our great calling as a parent into a formula.

We absolutely believe that God has called us to train our children (Proverbs 22:6; 23:13-14; 13:24;19:18; 22:15;  Ephesians 6:4; Deuteronomy 6:7; Hebrews 12:5-11…). In fact it is a cruel thing to raise a child without the self-control and discipline that comes with learning to obey your parents.

Deuteronomy 6: Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

As parents, why would we not want it to go well for our children (Deuteronomy 6:3)? The mistake we often make is to confuse discipline with being mean, and permissiveness with being loving. In reality, it’s the heart in which we discipline that matters. Three important “heart” issues to remember:

  1. We are after the heart of the child… not after robotic obedience.
  2. It’s not about looking good in front of our friends
  3. Rules without relationship equals rebellion.

We just released our newest eBook, “Disciplining Effectively with Grace”. It’s only $4.97 and you can find out more about it by clicking here:

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Also, remember to listen to this week’s podcast, PWTG Episode 24. And visit our RESOURCE PAGE at for our latest resources for parenting.