Hopefully you caught post #1 from this morning called “Boring Night!” It was short, but it was such a welcome message. Well it has continued… we’ve had the best 24 hours since arriving 20 days ago! But this past day and a half has highlighted two big truths for me. The first is, there is a God! The second is, worldview matters! Let me explain.
There is a God! When you look around Justus’ room, two things strike you. The first is the amazing job#TeamJustus has done outfitting his room. Complete with colorful bible verses, 1000+ cranes, and more Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle paraphernalia than I knew existed (I promise they have enough ☺). The second is how much equipment is in the room to support one little boy. I don’t know the monetary value or the amount of research and brainpower that has gone into developing the machines but I’m sure it’s ridiculous!
Then when I think about the people who are speaking into Justus’ care trying to find a way to fix him, it’s impressive. Some of the smartest people on the planet have been consulted… Stanford, UCSF, Pittsburgh, and Mayo Clinic in addition to the talented staff here at Doernbecher. And the crazy thing is, with millions of dollars worth of equipment and the most brilliant minds working, they still aren’t able to figure out what’s happening. They still don’t know what the problem is and more to the point, they don’t know what we need to do to fix it.
Maybe you hear all of that and think so what? But here’s the point, we want to believe human beings have arrived. We have the technology, we have the intelligence, we are like God. But the truth is with all that technology, all that brain-power we can’t figure out what ails one little 4-year-old boy! Isaiah 55:9 says this –
“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
The problem is, we recite this verse but we don’t really believe it. In our heart of hearts we think we are pretty smart. See, if I’m honest, I think God should listen to me about what to do with Justus because I think I know what is best. But think about the collective knowledge of all the best doctors in the world. It doesn’t even appear as a speck on the wall as compared to God’s thoughts. Please hear me (especially if you are a doctor), this isn’t a slam against doctors. They are the best and smartest we have. But think about what the human mind had to come up with just to keep a human barely alive in an ICU. Now compare that to what God has created in you and me. You and I think we know who should be healed and when, but we don’t know all that God knows. Once again Justus has become a catalyst to gain a sliver of understanding about God. At the end of the day, I can’t put all my trust in these doctors… they can’t even figure out what’s going on with my grandson. In the same way, there is only one that I can put my full trust in, and that’s the One who created the heavens and the earth, who created you and me. Yeah, there are times when He doesn’t make sense. But do I really believe that I understand better than God? His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. I need to trust God, especially when I don’t want to.
The second big truth God has allowed me to experience is that Worldview Matters. What I mean is this, my decisions are influenced by my worldview. Because I believe there is a God… because I believe God created me… because I believe God breathed life into you and into me… I land in this place where I believe God is sovereign, God loves us, and life is precious to God. Again, you might be thinking so what? Well as we’ve been waiting with Justus, he has been in a pentobarbital coma. We have been quiet because we thought we were supposed to be – to help keep him calm. As we have begun to slowly wake him up, we asked the neurologist if it was ok to talk to him. His response was swift and decisive, “Sure, but he can’t hear you.” I immediately told him I didn’t care about that, I just didn’t want to mess up anything he was trying to do.
I’m not a doctor. I’m not a theologian. I’m a grandfather caught in the biggest storm of my life trying to make sense of what God is teaching me. Here is where I land. These smart people have the ability to shut off Justus’ brain, but I don’t believe for a second they have the ability to shut off Justus’ spirit and soul. While his brain has been almost completely stopped by the pentobarbital, I have no doubt, there is no drug to cut off his spirit. I’m sorry if this is getting weird for some of you – that’s why I said, worldview matters. In my worldview, God has the last word. And in my worldview, God breathed life into Justus. So God never loses access to his creation. I don’t pretend to know what that looks like because I’ve never been there. I only know that when I hear Muslims having dreams and visions of Jesus, there isn’t a drug made that could prevent those dreams and visions from happening. Again, I don’t know what Jesus is doing with Justus right now… I only know I’m not worried about Justus being alone. I will be speaking words of life to Justus everyday while he’s in his coma. I don’t care if the doctor tells me he can’t hear me. My worldview tells me differently. God knew Justus in the womb. God knows Justus right now – with or without pentobarbital!
And speaking of Pentobarbital, they did make the decision to drop his dosage down to 3.5 (he was at 4.0). The plasma exchange is still on hold. Likely his brain will begin to wake up even more and we are now heading into an evening. I mentioned before, nights have been rough. I do believe there is spiritual warfare going on. Last night was amazing. But tonight we need your prayers even more. Those hours between 3am and 6am I believe will be the most crucial. Please pray. And then pray that Justus is able to settle back down tomorrow so that dropping it again tomorrow is at least a possibility. He will have a lot more movement tonight, so please pray for the those on the team that will be in there with him. Please ask God to calm his brain. We need his blood pressure and heart rate to stay down. Justus did get a visitor today. The therapy dog, Finnigan stopped by (see image). Thanks #TeamJustus.